too sleepy to think

I was chatting with a friend of mine. It was a bit surprising, he was buzzing me on skype. Surprising since he told me that messaging is simply wasting time (no objection…but I got some info, jobs, choco, bla bla bla through it too). Ok…that’s enough for the intro…

My friend was asking me whether or not I thought bad about him, again it was surprising. I never thought he would ask me that question…oh well maybe my silly responses made him wondering. Indeed, he’s such a wonderful person, a reliable friend that one can trust and lean on. He’s an angel in denial (don’t get mad dear…you know how dearly you are inside). He barely smiles and laughs (ok…people said so…not me…when was the last time you didn’t smile/laugh while you were with me? hmmmm only once I guess on January before you were heading back to my new hometown), indeed, he’s a funny silly person. Ok…that’s enough about him. I am not really keen to describe him here….it’s my blog, not his fans club web. What I want to write is about part of our conversation about self.

I asked him…who are you A? He gave me a simple answer…not sure whether or not he thought about that answer before. He asked that question back to me. I didn’t tell him anything. I was avoiding to answer….oh yes sir…you said that sometimes it can be bloody difficult to get a clear answer from me for such a clear question.

One or two hours after that cyber conversation with him, I was alone at my balcony. It was midnight and the sky was clear. Cool weather, after heavy rain. Alone and quiet…and I looked at the sky and the market opposite my flat. I was questioning myself…so…baby whale…what do you want now? What do you want next 5 years? What will you do next? Hello…is that really you? Silly I know….

Then i remembered what Sumie said to me this morning..do you want square men? I didn’t know how to answer it….maybe that’s my problem. Another friend asked me today…Evie why are you still a single? (Gulp…even my mum stopped asking me this question. She gave up already.) Guys…please tell me how to answer this delicate question…..actually…do we have to be with someone? I enjoy my single status. Well…I don’t need any ‘mate’ to see movies at cinema, attend parties, shopping, I can go to many places by my own, and nothing’s wrong with being alone.

Companionship is great, it’s wonderful…you see, kiss and hold the one you love before you close your eyes. When you wake up in the morning you see him/her. It must be wonderful during the first month…but hello….fairy tale lovers…what about a real long lasting stable relationship. You will see the same person for the rest of your life (I still think it’s a pretty romantic idea…wouldn’t mind having it when I met the man in my life). Well…what about TV…should I share my remote control with someone? Hmmmm….should I share my bed with someone? Arrrrrgggghhhhh gulp….am I selfish? Maybe….

While I (and I think more people) want to be free, don’t bother with any stigma, some other people are crying to bump into a relationship. My friend was telling me how lonely she was since she lost her boyfriend. She desperately needs someone. I love her so much, she’s like a sister for me. I didn’t have the heart to see her crying, but I don’t fancy her idea of being with someone to make her happy. I think happiness depends on the person, not others. I felt sad about her, she forgot that there’re many people who love her, including me. )I wouldn’t bother to talk with someone for hours if I don’t care about that person :p )

(Funny…I remembered someone now. The one who makes me smiling…my angel…I am so glad that you found me (can I say that you found me?).)