Love and marriage, like a horse and carriage

This morning (actually just now) I received an email, from a person I never met but we keep sending emails. Yup, bunch of emails almost every single day, without making me bored with him. Oh…no…it’s not a romantic relationship at all. He simply is a (well presumably) humble witty person…yup it’s a concrete compliment for you mas.

We spoke about companionship before. He told me that marriage is not as complicated as I thought (hmmmmm…really???), yes he is married and (hopefully) happy with it. That is why he could say that to me. Again…this mischief (Bengal means mischief) is busy with her dumb head ideas and questions.

One of my good friends, has been married to a wonderful woman for years. I knew that he loves her deeply (yup he told me, and I trust him..well there is no reason for him to lie on it, and no reason for me not trusting him). Yet, he sleeps with many women. I asked him a simple silly question…’You are married, you love her, you don’t want to spoil your marriage, but why do you sleep with other women?’ He smiled at me and said that he might be unfaithful to her, but he is loyal to her. Big gulp then….I didn’t have any idea what he meant on that time (I must be pretty kiddo on that time, ok actually I am not sure that I understood now :p). I thought when I get along with someone, especially within a legal social institution what we call marriage, then it would be only he and I. No other person involved, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was too romantic.

Few months after the above conversation, my good friend and I were talking about marriage. He had been married for 2 decades already. He met her when I was 1 year old…oh yes…that long. They love each other, deeply, and they don’t make love for more than 10 years. Another big gulp. His wife met another man, he met another woman, but they still keep their marriage.

Well, it’s not the only story, since I have another good friend with a similar story. She doesn’t make love with her husband for more than 10 years. She keeps her marriage, not because she loves him, but for her wonderful little one. GULP….

My colleague told me, marriage is like our need to the loo. They, who are outside the loo, want to be inside the loo and finish what they need to do. On the other hand, the one in the loo want to go out. Funny….yes…peeing is believing.

Maybe I think too much…maybe I should stop thinking. But pardon me…how could I not think about this? ‘I love her/him, I am loyal, but I am in bed with someone’. ‘I love my partner, but I don’t make love with him/her’….aaarrrgggghhhhhh Oh, ok so…the question is about sex then. Is it really important?

The one I mentioned at beginning told me that sex is not the most important thing in marriage. Ok…let’s say it is true. Then….why are there many couples get divorce because of sex problems? Why are there many sex shops? What about rape cases, including within marriage…yup marital rape (come on don’t give me any lecture on sado-masochism at this moment…I might against normality so…don’t push me to analyze it by using Papa Freud’s psychoanalyse…Irrigaray rules now)


Ok…move on…few weeks ago, my friend (forgive me…but yes, I have many friends, and I love them) and I were chatting on a stable relationship idea. He told me that he didn’t believe in marriage, but in fairy tales hehehehe (well…I still believe that marriage can be fine, not the most important thing tho, but I don’t believe in fairy tales). He was questioning my idea on a vague ‘legal’ social institution called marriage. For him, to be with the woman he loves (vice versa for sure) that would be enough. Wedding is not for the sake of the couple, but for the society. We hold grand wedding ceremony so others would recognize how wealthy we are. He persuaded me, that my stories negate my idea on marriage (what is my idea on marriage? I don’t know hehehehe). Well, but for me, it seemed that he mixed between wedding and marriage up together. They are different no?

Why do we need to marry then? It seems not for sex…well marriage doesn’t push my friend to keep his dick in his pants. And we can have sex without that legal consent, some people chose ONS, one night stand…but for other it would be Oh No Sex. For me..One Nice Skirt (wink wink).

Bangkok, April 1, 2006

Dedicated for my loyal and faithful mama, the most wonderful wife and mother in my life (excuse me…she’s my mum…why should I chose other’s mum???); and the most agreeable woman in my life, the bravest coolest granny. I am so proud to be your offspring. (pssst…girls…my granny told me 1 important thing…if he’s not good in bed, kick him away; keep him if he’s good)