Completed

If most relationships fail (see Ron’s comment on my blog “If Only I Have the Courage to be With You http://evie_sumardjono.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2007/01/if_only_i_have_.html#comments), then why we are so eager to be with someone? If most relationships don’t work well, why we are sad when we say goodbye?

Is it our nature to be with someone? Or is it because we are constructed to be with someone? I cannot say that the reason why we want to be with someone is because of sexual intimacy or sexual orgasms. Making love is more than sexual orgasms, I think it’s more about expressing the affection. Some might agree with me, some might not, and it’s normal (I don’t even know what normality is actually). I myself reach orgasms through meditation, sure it’s a different kind of orgasms, but pretty lovely too. It’s even more intense, no attachment with someone, more about knowing ourselves and bodies, it’s not even about wanking. Hell, I don’t know how to describe it.

A wise friend says that we should complete ourselves before being attached to someone else. When we are completed, we know our here and now (it’s like Frankl’s therapy no? Here and now…existentialism), then we don’t bother with what others do to us. If you love me, I smile. If you hate me, I smile too. I love you no matter what you do to me. When you treat me well, I would thank and take it as a learning process. When you treat me badly, I would thank and take it as a learning process too. Good and bad is only in our mind.

But, what is self completed? Does it require attractive physical appearance, smart brain, angelic smiles, bunch of love for others, good job, fine life style, love for self and so on? When I complete myself and not attach to someone, will it make me live in my own sanctuary and hide behind my comfort zone? Will I not cry when someone leaves me? I don’t know.

My mum tells me that in the end, we all will be alone. Be prepared for separation, she says. She herself spent 3 decades with my dad, until he departed. Mum says that he’s her soul-mate. It may be true, but still she’s alone now, not lonely tho. The death will depart some of us, and it’s more difficult than divorce (at least some friends say). We can avoid divorce or other human caused separation (even tho sometimes separation is a wise choice), but not the death.

If we are meant to be alone, why we need to be with someone?