wink wink...blink blink ;)

Bangkok, March 31, 2006

I bought a pair of contact lenses yesterday. I had been toying with the idea of wearing contacts for months, thanks to Ann and Kiki actually. Eventually, I just went to a shopping mall, bumped in to the first shop I found and asked…Put pasa angrit mai ka? Thanked God, they did.

Oh yes, it was bloody difficult to put them on my eyes. Scared and excited at the same time. Kiki would say GANBATE for that. Don’t ask me how long it took for me to take them off lastnight, 2 bloody hours. Thanked God (again) Ann was still online. I asked her to do it and she told me the trick.

Today I asked my friend, A, how long it took for him to get used with his contacts. He told me that it took couple of weeks for him. Holly cow…..oh well but I like the feeling of having perfect eyesight. I had been wearing spectacles for 16 years…and these contacts are great. Silly me…:p

hujan deres bow

Rainy evening

5.43 pm
It’s raining outside, heavily. I love when it rains, reminds me to my life. I remembered how it was when I was 3 (or 2.5) years old, in yellow skirt, sat on a rattan chair at our terrace, all alone. Papa was at the field, mama was working, she ran her own company on that time. Hmmmm I should be with my nanny then….bloody hell (forgive my language)…my nanny is not the one I want to tell about now. I barely remember her…it would be another story about the nannies.

I was sitting all alone. I still remember clearly how it was, the feeling on that moment. How amazed I was with the rains. There were thunders and lightning, then the sky was clear, and birds were singing. On that time, for the first time in my life, I understood that rain will wash my pain away. There is nothing to be afraid of, I might cry. I might be hurt. I might be scared…but I knew there is something…bigger than the biggest one (hmmm how should I explain something is bigger than the biggest one?) who will always be with me, washes my tears away. No matter how stormy my days would be, still there would be hopes. (I know, it would be difficult for some people believing that I remember part of my pre 5 memories—was questioned about it before)

My second memory about the rain is when I was at kindergarten. I was in the classroom, bored with those itchy witchy hanky panky kiddo stuffs….why should I have to learn how to spell? A…b…c..while I was able to read Tempo, Kompas, Donald Duck….(actually until now…I don’t understand why mama sent me to that class for 3 years, while she knew exactly I was able to go to elementary school—she was the one who taught me how to read and count). I remembered how it was on that day, raining heavily. I was toying with my mind, my religious teacher told me that each rain drop was delivered by an angel…gulp how many million angels then…. And again, I felt relaxed and peace.

There was a stormy day when I was on the 6th grade. It was during an exam, I had finished all the questions, and mama told me to stay in the class even though I had done my work (I was such a good girl…did what mama asked me to). I was amazed by the storm. It was awesome…rains dropped on the ground…washed the dirt away.

It was raining when papa passed away, deep inside I was crying too (I couldn’t cry on that time. It was only me there…and mama was crying). I was in black, took a lead on my dad’s funeral. Pretending as if I were tough, but I knew there’s a huge black hole in my heart. I didn’t (ok…and still don’t) know how to heal the pain since he’s gone. (May he rest in peace)

On my trip to Bangkok almost two years ago…it was raining, stormy day. Again, there was a rainbow, just before we landed smoothly at Bangkok International Airport. I knew that the Almighty One was with me, and would always be with me.

Again and again…rains mean hope for me, and I have many memories on it, popping one by one now. Rain…washes my tears away. No more pain, no more sorrows. For years I had believed it. Indeed rain washes my tears away, but I still miss my papa.

fairy tale??? nah...there's nothing such a fairy tale...grow up dude

Once upon a time (like in fairytales) there was a male divorcee—it was about 35 years ago. He was left by his wife for a powerful wealthy general. She took their 3 kids with her and didn’t let that guy see his kids. That guy was depressed and resigned from his company (he was quite ok actually, worked for the state oil company). Then he went to another city and chatted with his cousin quiet often. There, he met a wonderful young woman.

That woman was much younger than that guy, about 14 years younger than him. She was a niece of that guy’s cousin’s wife (ouch….that guy had a cousin, his cousin had a wife, and that wife had a niece…that was her). That young woman, because of political instability had to stay with her oom and tante. She was bright, pretty, funny and everything.

That guy had a feeling to her, and sure no one would support him. He was an old divorcee guy. His cousin and his wife said no…with big NO. They asked their niece to be away from him, and it was not a big deal for her. She was wonderful, and there were many guys attracted to her.

Until one day. She got a car accident. She suffered a severe brain injury. It made her to be the first survived brain surgery patient in Indonesia. She was hospitalized for more than 6 months. It was not all; she lost one of her eyesight and hearing.

For 6 months, doctors wrapped her eyes to avoid losing her eyesight. Day by day, every single early evening, that old guy went to see her at hospital. He brought bouquets of flowers, foods and fed her, read books for her and talked. He gave her a radio so she wouldn’t be lonely when he was not there. He did these all until she went out off hospital.

Since she had brain surgery, that young woman had to cut off her knee length hair. She was bald and had to keep it like that for few months, to get further medical check up. That guy told her that she was still pretty and didn’t need to worry about her looks.

That young woman felt uncomfortable with her bald head, and that guy bought her some wigs. He asked her if she was embarrassed with her baldness she could wear one of those wigs. She tried it on for one or two days. Then she felt it was itchy and hot. It was killing her, especially since scars on her head weren’t well cured yet.

Then that guy bought her pieces of shawl, to protect her head from cool wind and covering her head. At the same time that guy kept telling her that she reminded the same. Eventually that young woman believed him. She was pretty cuckoo actually. She went out in nice dress and bald head.

Another problem arose. When her hair started growing, she couldn’t find a soft comb. Her head skin was too sensitive. Combs hurt her. One night, that guy asked her to go out as usual (they dated already). They walked together for few hours. During that walking, that guy scratched a blue plastic comb to wall. He did it until he was sure that that comb was comfortable enough for her. Then he asked her whether she could use that comb. Yes she could. Finally she had a comb for her hair. For others it was a cheap silly plastic comb, but for her it was everything.

With that comb, that guy proved his love to her. He asked her to marry. They lived together for almost 30 years. He made many mistakes to her. He cheated her for many times, but she always forgave him. He passed away 4 years ago in her arms, (tomorrow it will be 5 years). And that comb? It is still her precious treasure. She might lose her property, jewelries, but she would keep it safe.

I was born from that couple, and proud to be their daughter. I love this love story. Mama told me this since I was a child. After papa passed away I understood her feeling better. My tears drop every time I remember this story

Bangkok, December, 8th 2005.