Four Basic Questions and One Common Comment

How young are you?

Are you married?

When will you get married?

Why are you a single?

Ah…maybe you are too choosey…

Escape from Freedom (I borrowed this tittle from Fromm)

A devilish friend, who tries to be an angel (but he admitted that I am the angel, not him) sent me a message. He asked what my definition of love is. I told him that love is the underlining reason of our acts.

I asked him what’s up there. He told me that he’d been into a girl, tries to love a young girl, unconditionally for 6 years. In a sudden, this girl, few days ago, asked him,” Do you love me?” I couldn’t deny that I smiled when I was reading his message. Geez…6 years of trying to love someone, unconditionally (whatever unconditional love is) and got this question.

My angelic devilish friend told me that that girl is a real sweetheart. She is a charmer, so beautiful. She has many admirers from all around the world. She can choose which men she wants to date with.

I smiled and replied him, “Too many choices bring headache.” If that girl was here with me, I’d ask her how she chose one out of those men. Some people think that it is fun having many choices to choose, including admirers.

But have you thought about this….if you only have 1 pair of shoes, you wouldn’t spend much time to think about which pair of shoes you want to wear. You’d simply wear your only pair of shoes. If you have couple of pairs, then you’d spend sometime…let’s say 2 minutes. I had 40 something pair of shoes once…and it wasted more time to choose. Deciding which man I want to spend my life with, is even worse. I could try my shoes within few seconds, but men?

An Adam told me, that freedom brings responsibilities, and we have to face the consequences of our acts. Sometimes it is fun to be repressed so we don’t have to take any responsibilities of what we have done. Sometimes I wish I only have 1 choice so I don’t have to choose. When it doesn’t work, I can simply say….”well it’s not my fault. I didn’t have any choices. I was forced to do it.”

Am I Stupid or Plain Arrogant?

A friend came to my cubicle, we chatted a while. She asked me whom I dated with, and I told her that I was single. She didn’t understand why I remained single. She thought that it wouldn’t be difficult for me to find a date (or even dates). I just smiled and said, “Well, thanks for your compliment, but I am single.”

This conversation reminds me to a conversation with an old friend, the one who broke my heart few years ago. Few months ago we chatted. I told him that I just broke up with someone. He told me that I scare Indonesian men. He said that I simply was too strong and patronizing them. So I asked him back,” But you are an Indonesian?!?! And you could stand me.” (We were on and off for few years, then become good friends). He simply answered,” Well I am different. I got what I want so I don’t have to compete with you. And I don’t mind having a bright girl. Indeed I am proud of it.”

Then I recalled another chat with another guy. He told me that he couldn’t beat me. His education is lower than me, and it makes him lack of confidence. I was amazed when he confessed this…a question was (ok…til now) toying in my mind…Should I stop my passion, ignore some opportunities, and slow down to make him more confident? It doesn’t take a genius to find out my decisions.

But then…once I dated to an Austrian. He was a bit older than me. He confessed that if he was younger, let’s say we had the same age, probably he wouldn’t dare approach me. He said that I could make men feel unsecured. Geez I didn’t know what to say. I just smiled, thanked him and walked away.

So, here I am, sitting in my cubicle on the 12^th floor in Jakarta, with bunch of works to do. Remain single and don’t understand men’s way of thinking. Oh well…life is not merely about sex and dating, more to do.