SMS 2

Today I had lunch with my good friend. I know her for years, she’s like a sister for me. She is simply a wonderful trusted friend. Someone you can really lean on. She’s also a national coordinator of a UN agency here in Indonesia…yes I am so proud of you sis. Should I mention her name? I will ask her permission first.
We chatted in the morning and arranged a lunch. Then we met. Yes, I met my old friend, it was lovely. Hugs and kisses….and sms. I don’t know how to express how I hate her mobile phone. She kept sending sms and it’s annoying.
Another friend, Cutie Pie, he’s an American. He recently moved to Bangkok from Jakarta. When we met, he did the same thing. He was extremely busy with his mobile, sending sms. I told him that it’s annoying. He (for a while) put his mobile on the table and stopped sending sms. He told me that his parent had the same comment with me. Cutie Pie’s parent came from the US, and he arranged a dinner party for them. A dozen of people sat on a table, and 10 among them were busy with their phone. It happened for a while until his mum couldn’t stand it anymore and shouted….WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS??????
Dude…I love your mum.

SMS 1

An old friend sent me an sms when I was in Bangkok. I replied him, and he replied back to me, on and on. After 5 messages, I got annoyed and stopped replying him. It happened for few times.
I told him that sending international sms through AIS is too expensive for me (I was a poor student, supported by the Ford Foundation—now I am not rich either, even worse not supported by the Ford Foundation). Moreover, after living in Thailand for a while, I preferred to call instead of sending sms…oh yes, Thais love talking on their mobile. Well, it was only around 12 baht/minute to call Indonesian number, some providers are even cheaper, and 10 baht/sms.
Back to my friend, even though I had told him the reason why I didn’t “communicate” with him through sms, he kept asking me. He asked if he had disturbed me, or whether I didn’t want to communicate with him anymore. He even asked if he should send me some fund for that. I simply replied him, firstly, I didn’t want your money. Secondly, I didn’t know what I should tell him through sms (ooops). Thirdly, I didn’t want to spend my money for this (in my humble opinion) unimportant thing. He didn’t say a word after that. (I rang him and talked to him on the phone, since it was cheaper and more convenient for me)
A couple of week before, I went back to Indonesia. I gave him my Indonesian number. He did it again. He sent me million (oh ok…exaggerating) messages, and I only replied some of them. He asked me why (I couldn’t say that sms is more expensive now), so I told him that I didn’t know what to say on sms.
Hi how are you?
Fine, thx. ….(Haaaa.what would you expect me to say after this? And you?)

Hi. Where are you?
Home with mama….(see…I even added another unneeded information)

I will go to Temanggung, do you know places to go there?
Find tahu bacem (google it dude) at Parakan bus terminal, bakso (meatball) at alun-alun, pecel at Pikatan, tahu guling at Muntilan. Good luck. (see my closing line)
Oh you know a lot about this town
My mama is from there, and I was in mental asylum near by that place. Take care (see another closing line)
I am lonely here…..(haaa…what’s next?)

You don’t want me sending you sms, do you?
It’s ok. You can send me, but maybe I won’t reply all.
Why?
……………………………(Why should I?)

Goodbye Honey...You broke my heart, I will kill myself tomorrow

A friend said goodbye to me last night on yahoo messenger. I asked him where he’s going. He told me that he’s going to his true world, the death. I inquired him, suicide? He told me yes.

He wanted to kill himself. He said that he has played with his heart and couldn’t stand it anymore. He told me that after met me (Ooops don’t ask me what I have done, OK….I never met him) he decided not to marry and spend his wealth for the poor.

Fortunately he was not sitting next to me. He couldn’t see me smiling….God please don’t let me deal with another drama queen. I have dealt with many attempted suicide cases in my professional life. Some cases were pretty silly, but doesn’t mean I fancy seeing another one.

I asked him how he wanted to kill himself. He said through poison. I asked whether or not he had prepared his death well, and he said he had. I said nothing but GOODLUCK.

I know, for they, who never dealt with this drama, would think that I am a cruel heartless bitch. But hey guys….I have been trained to be a counsellor for years. I dealt with many people who have tried to kill themselves. Do you think someone who really wants to end his/her life will tell others his/her plan?

If you suffer and want to end your life, what would you do? I doubt you will tell others if you really want to kill yourself. Why? Because someone will be around you and take a good care of you (oh OK…it only happens during first attempt, after that people will know and don’t bother with it anymore.) Indeed…this attention is exactly what is wanted.

On the other side, they, who really are depressed and want to end their lives, would isolate themselves. No suicidal stories. They just toy with the idea to end their misery, and ta daa….they plan and do it. Oh yes…this is more terrifying. You don’t know anything, and in a sudden someone you know commits suicide.

Which one is more common? Sure the first one, and it is also (well…sorry) a bit annoying. Some people would label them as manipulative (let’s talk about it later). These people do many things to get attention from others…well who doesn’t like the attention? I do like get attention. Don’t you like it too? But hey….if someone cries 5 days in a week. Telling you every time (s)he is hospitalized, and so proud of being sick (yes….some people use this defence mechanism to get attention)...then what would you do?

I am not saying that they don’t need help. They do need help, but sometimes a smack can be a help too.

Oops….no violence please.

When You Told Me that You Love Me

I got high fever. My temperature was high. I couldn’t sleep and lost my appetite. My mum looked at me worriedly. She went away and took a shower. Then she came back to me.

Mama held me tight. I felt her skin was cold. It chilled down my body. Mama whispered,”Don’t suffer my love. Please get well soon. My Lord, let me replace her, don’t let her sick.” I closed my eyes, took deep breath, and felt asleep.

Thirteen years after.

I still can recall that moment clearly. Feeling secured and warmth. I held my mum few nights ago before slept. I told her how much I love her. I reminded what she did to me before. She smiled at me and stroked my hair.

I might be getting older, and so is she. I grew taller than her. I have been to many places alone. I got better education than her. I got better opportunities than her. But, without her, I am nothing.

She is my goddess, my inspiration. She is the reason why I am alive.

When a Tear Dropped

Is it too much if i said that you took away my love from me?
I bet it is too much...my love would be with me no matter what if he's for me
I understood I cannot blame you

But I cannot deny that it hurts me
I didnt understand why you also tried to ruin my life
Wasnt it enough for you seeing me like this?
Tears on my face
Goddamn...I am not a cry babe

This feeling kills me
Lord save me....
I am nothing without You
Release me from this hatred
Protect me from this anger